Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Red shirt, CHECK!

Red shirt, CHECK!

I am a newbie to the loud and proud writer bandwagon, but not so much to my own personal world.  I love that people know I'm gay. It is this wonderful eternal sigh of relief that takes place daily as I traverse this great life of mine knowing that the people that matter in my world really, finally, and truly know who I am.  I came out when I was 30, though in a recent conversation with my closer to 90 than 80 year old Grandmother she revealed that she knew since I was about 14.  (Would have been a good time to have a good ole one-on-one with Granny, but that's a conversation for another day!) So, as I find myself liking gay things on social media outlets, knowing that my family and friends can see it, and knowing that some of the more staunchly religious ones - while loving me anyway - do not in any way approve, it is both liberating and a little bit scary.  I have gotten a little more bold in the last year, but not loud by any means.

Until today. 

Something amazing happened to me today as I saw the whole internet full of fabulous RED!  My computer is oozing red equality symbols, thank you to the Human Rights Campaign for that, family photos of gay friends, straight ally redness. It is amazing and touching to see.  There was a moment when I was checking things out earlier today that I literally teared up.  There is more support for me, personally, today than I could have ever hoped for.  Not all, but more - and that's a step in the right direction! Not to mention the support so many in our country are providing for us today.  (Come on SCOTUS, make us proud!) I have a newfound need to voice my thoughts, after seeing so many out there supporting me as well.  When (mine and) my partner's niece-in-law asked to steal a family photo of ours backed by the HRC's red symbol today I literally gushed with pride.  And several other people followed suit making me misty eyed from the support.  Who knew this tragically red-stated girl would be so damn happy to wear red today, and would have so much support out there!

Thank you to all of our allies, for all the people fighting for change louder than I am, and for the quiet I-love-you-no-matter-what supporters that just might not understand everything, but do just that - stand by us and love us.  That's what it's all about, people.  It's about love that has no borders.  It's about less hate, more equality, it's just about LOVE.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Lipstick or Umbros, the lesbian wardrobe identification quandary...

I have come to the conclusion that I don't fit the mold all that well.  I'm pretty femme, by lesbian standards, but I'm also a lifelong athlete that loves the sporty look.  I love jeans that fit a little tight when I'm wearing dressy shoes, and loose ones with little holes in them when I'm in flops.  Granted, I think everyone, sexuality aside, has different looks that goes with their different moods or events.  I'm not special in that regard.  Having said that, though, I have found myself in an internal struggle lately. 

Last week I wore a skirt for the first time in over a year.  I pulled it off well, I think, and felt pretty sexy the whole day.  I couldn't wait for my partner to get home and see me all decked out. She agreed with my personal assessment, and I enjoyed the sexiness of it all.  Then I got hit on by a coupla dudes.  Not in an "I wanna kick you in the nuts" kind of way, but hit on nonetheless.  Poor fellas didn't get how badly they were barking up the wrong tree.  Wrong forest all together.  And, not a single lesbian in the free world, I don't think, would have pegged me as a Friend of Dororthy.  Which brings me to my problem.

I love being an out lesbian.  If I could I would wear rainbow shirts every day.  I love walking somewhere, anywhere, with my partner and it being obvious that we're gay.  Not that I'm into PDA or anything, I just  don't shy away from my true self, which isn't all that common where we live.  Lets just say, we do not reside in one of the fabulous gay-marriage-is-a-go states.  Loving the gay identification, being proud of it, and wanting to stand tall no matter where I am or what I'm doing poses an internal problem on those rare days when I want to hop into a skirt and heels.  It feels almost like I'm abandoning my kind.  

So, what is this gay girl to do? Should all the heels, skirts, and shirts that show a little cleavage go to Goodwill?  Gay ladies chime in here - Do you think I should feel like an a abomination when I am not wearing traditional lesbian wear?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Hello blogosphere, nice to join you!

Should I enter the blogosphere, or suffice to be only an avid reader, applauder and commenter forever?  That's a question I've asked myself for a long time.  Some days I find I'm so overwhelmed with the need to express myself that the answer to that question seems almost silly.  Of course I should!  Other days I wonder what in the world I could possibly have to say that is pertinent enough to entice others to read my thoughts.  In those instances, especially when viewed through my protective mother/partner lens, it seems an odd pairing, that of me and the blog world. 

That's when it occurred to me that perhaps I will write these things and no one will ever read it, and that's okay with me.  The final straw that has me writing here today, despite that aforementioned lens, is the fact that I'm a lesbian mother, raising my children in the midst of what I'm certain we will look back on (or even think of as we drudge through it, as is likely the case) as the civil rights movement of the 21st century.  How could I possibly refrain from, at minimum, writing on topics I am passionate about as a means to talk through them in my own head?  Writing for me has always been an outlet, and most often if given the opportunity, I am able to express myself far better with my writing voice than with any other.  So, I will at least write here as a means of open dialogue with the thoughts bouncing around in my head, and should my thoughts inspire someone to read or comment, much less provoke thoughts of change and progress, then it is a mission worth setting out upon. 

I have blogger heroin's of sorts, and I want to set out on this voyage with a word of thanks to them.  http://www.lesbiandad.net/, http://dorothysurrenders.blogspot.com/, http://www.afterellen.com/, and of course all the brilliance of http://www.blogher.com/, among many others - thank you for paving the way so minions like myself have the courage to put finger tips to keyboard and begin entertaining the idea of sharing our innermost thoughts. 

Consequences, what a novel concept.

I am beyond maddened by the current media fiasco over the Steubenville rape case.  I know I'm not the only one, and this issue has been covered at length by blogs and websites that I follow regularly.  I will not reiterate the content I've read, but rather feel the need to address a cultural problem that manifests itself in this case as well as in many other instances recently.  The issue I have, aside from the blatant disregard for the ACTUAL victim in the media's coverage in this case, is with regards to the way kids in our society are handled.  Teachers are not allowed to grade papers in red ink because someone out there believes that it will do damage to their psyche.  Some kids sports leagues don't keep score because it might make the losing team feel bad.  And, every kid on any team these days gets a trophy at the end of the season no matter how they played, what kind of sportsmanship they displayed, or how the team fared.

I do NOT understand or subscribe to this rationale in any way!  I am the mother of two small boys, and feel that one of the greatest disservices I could possibly do them would be to withhold from them the knowledge, experience, and growth that comes from failure and disappointment.  Those things are as much a part of life as success is, perhaps more than.  I completely understand how difficult it is to sit and watch your child be sad and disappointed.  I know all too well how much we as parents, as adults in society in general, want to give the youth all the backing and support and encouragement in the world.  But doing so while shielding them from life's realities is just wrong. 

You know what happens when you shield them from reality?  They become inept at dealing with things appropriately.  They have no sense of consequences.  Just like not having to deal with a game loss, or having to look over a paper they did poorly and understand the magnitude of a miniscule scholastic failure. Flash forward you have a couple of teenage boys who think they should be able to say "I'm sorry" and erase a vile and horrible crime.  They think they should be able to blame it on the bad decision of drinking and behaving badly. This is WRONG.  And, as much as I blame the kids for doing something despicable and life changing for the actual victim, I also blame the parents of society today that feel like those kids (who were charged as minors,  mind you, which was a kindness I don't necessarily they deserved) should have been pardoned for their crime. 

They got exactly what they deserved.  The committed a crime, they are the criminals, and shame on the media who has decided to treat them like anything less. This goes hand in hand with the way society treats children to far too great an extent in my mind.  Actions have consequences. Period.  Whether good or bad, there are always consequences.  If people would hold children accountable for some of those consequences I firmly believe that atrocities like the ones those boys committed would be fewer because they would already have the concept of actions and consequences ingrained within them.